departure thoughts

I sat outside last night watching the planes go by and thought "wow, in 48 hours, I'll be in an entirely different place with its own language and culture."

I still can't believe I'm going. It's funny how sometimes you think you're standing still but you are actually moving.

Ten years ago my IBS was bad; I stopped eating out completely, rarely went out to events, got extremely nervous going to an unfamiliar place. I could tell you where all the public washrooms were in the downtown core. If I was travelling, I wouldn't eat that whole day or the night before. My heart would start racing any time I found myself in a confined space - a car on a highway, a subway train, a plane, etc. IBS was always at the top of my mind.

Eight years ago my long-term relationship broke up. I stayed home and watched life from the sidelines even more.

About five years ago, I suddenly felt very impatient and restless. I started participating in a charity bike ride which involved rigorous physical training and the exercise seemed to help calm the IBS. I also met a group of strong and funny people who presented me with an alternate view on life. I was ready to hear it.

And now I am here, ready to head off, feeling rather terrified if I am honest. Terrified but determined. I just have to remember to breathe, to laugh, then breathe again.